Love, detachment, bad breakups, & trauma — it’s nothing but a series of canon events not many can avoid. You wake up when all you want to do is pause time. Rethinking, rewinding all the ways you could’ve changed things for the better. But satisfying your significant other’s emotions was never the goal because primarily, it was yours.
Take a little trip down memory lane & ask yourself: how often has it been that you’ve prioritized yourself? Listened to your needs? Paid attention to yourself? If you’re used to feeling lonely in crowded rooms, then one answer can suffice for all these questions: loss of emotional self-connection & a struggling self-worth.
Considering that, giving your absolute best & losing yourself in a relationship is more common than people think. While intimacy coaching experts recognize this fact, they strongly advocate for healing wounds before trying for love again. Here is a breakdown of what truly makes intimacy with self an important component of fostering healthier future relationships.
What Does It Mean to Have Intimacy With Yourself?
The word ‘intimacy’ is often treated as something that relates to romantic relationships only. While that’s only partially true, it has a lot to do with the relationship you have with yourself. That’s right, fostering intentional intimacy with yourself is a challenging yet necessary emotional practice.
Your inner world deserves to be known, & that’s exactly what intimacy does for you. It demands that you know, accept, & connect all parts of yourself — no matter how uncomfortable some truths seem to you. By the end of it, you learn to treat yourself the way you would a loved one, compassionate & non-judgmental.
Why Many Women Lose Connection With Themselves
Loss of connection with yourself doesn’t happen in the blink of an eye. It’s a gradual process, possibly starting as early as your teen years. Even though men are allowed to explore life however they like, women are conditioned to act in a ‘certain’ manner… Something which is considered normal from the viewpoint of society.
So what women begin to do is shrink their existence. Metaphorically, they become smaller & smaller until all that remains is a shadow of what they used to be. Less of an inconvenience, more of someone to rely on. With passing time, this practice leads to a seemingly irreversible burnout, stemming from a lack of personal boundaries & self-care.
To say the least, things worsen when women enter into romantic relationships without establishing a loving relationship with themselves. They overgive, overlove, overfeel, & eventually, overgrieve. Considering how women often equate their self-worth with how accommodating they are to others, relationship trauma can give them a good reason to lose connection with their essence.
5 Signs You May Be Disconnected From Yourself
Disconnection doesn’t necessarily look like feeling numb to every possible human emotion. Sometimes, it’s as simple as forgetting what you ate earlier in the day. For intimacy coaching experts, women can be unaware that they are disconnected from their essence. But with this ‘mini’ cheat sheet, you can positively identify the need for professional help.
- Difficulty Identifying Your Needs: Your mind becomes incapable of setting focus on one option — leading to frustration & anger.
- Feeling Numb or Emotionally Disconnected: You constantly find yourself functioning on an ‘autopilot’ mode, responsive yet unable to register what’s going on.
- Seeking Validation From Others: It’s never enough that you get something done & remain satisfied with the result unless someone validates it.
- Struggling to Set Healthy Boundaries: Somehow, you set up an unreasonable threshold before you allow yourself to decline a request, proposition, or an offer — making you say ‘yes’ too often.
- Feeling Uncomfortable Spending Time Alone: You frequently rely on external ‘noises’ from crowds or socials to cancel out the thoughts bothering you in moments of solitude.
5 Ways to Rebuild Intimacy With Yourself
It may be the nth time someone is telling you this, but life really is short. All things considered, you don’t deserve to carry the burden that comes with losing connection to yourself. While it would take some time to rebuild the bridge of self-intimacy you had once unknowingly burned down — consistency helps.
- Spend Intentional Time With Yourself: Allow yourself the privilege to breathe & feel without any distractions by walking, reading, or consuming your favorite delicacies alone.
- Practice Emotional Honesty: You don’t have to camouflage anything about yourself to make the reality less ‘ugly’ — instead, journal your thoughts without filtering anything out.
- Reconnect With Your Body: Live in the moment & savor the physical sensations through gaining awareness of your own body — which can be achieved through deep breathing, gentle stretching, & meditative exercises.
- Learn to Listen to Your Needs: Quit suppressing what your body is trying to convey to you & listen intently as you’d do for any loved one.
- Cultivate Self-Compassion: The way you talk to yourself tells a lot about how intimate you are with your emotions — so don’t hesitate when it comes to countering your negative thoughts & forgive yourself more often.
Can Intimacy Coaching Help You Reconnect With Yourself?
It’s one thing to know what’s missing in your life, it’s another to find your way back to it. Through consistent sessions of intimacy coaching, you’ll be able to identify the patterns that make you disconnect with yourself. Slowly but surely, you’ll start to notice the differences in how you used to think & the self-worth you’ve built through breaking those patterns.
While possible, relationships formed when one is at war with themselves don’t last long. Somewhere in the middle, your inner conflicts start to show up & unspoken resentment overpowers your ability to feel. Fortunately, intimacy coaches work smart. They improve the romantic relationships of their clients primarily by helping them reconnect with their own selves — all through emotional support.
Explore Intimacy Coaching & Start Your Self Exploration Journey!
Just because the journey is difficult doesn’t mean it’s not worth the struggle. With ups & downs, the progress wouldn’t look very promising at first, but your consistency will make the results clearer. While finding your way back to yourself isn’t easy, it’s a step you must take, not just for yourself, but for the relationship you’ve always wanted to have.
For intimacy coaching experts, the relationship you have with yourself is the groundwork before you commit yourself to something bigger. Designed to help you heal from past traumas, this practice helps you gain better self-awareness, among other things.
- Getting rid of guilt, shame, & self-doubt.
- Positive identification of what you need.
- Forming goals & assessing ways to achieve them.
Meet me, Teja Valentin — a certified intimacy coach, registered nurse, master Reiki practitioner, & women’s empowerment coach. I understand why you may feel disconnected from yourself & I know the gravity of damage it can do. For this reason, I offer intimacy coaching services, meant to give you a safe space to breathe & heal.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q1. What does being intimate with yourself mean?
To be intimate with yourself involves knowing & understanding yourself on a deeper level. It is a state of hyperawareness where none of your thoughts or emotions remain hidden or unregistered by you — which ends up making you more compassionate & accepting towards yourself.
Q2. Why do women lose themselves in relationships?
Women often lose themselves in relationships due to societal conditioning & their inability to fully meet what is expected of them. In turn, this practice creates an intrinsic over-reliance on others for establishing self-worth.
Q3. How do I know if I’m disconnected from myself?
There are several behaviors that indicate a lack of connection with oneself. These include: functioning on an autopilot mode, inability to remember what day it is, feeling emotionally fatigued, & ensuring others are comfortable before you ever get a chance to think of your own.
Q4. What does an intimacy coach do?
Intimacy coaches are professionals aiming to help individuals & couples improve their emotional & physical bonding. They frequently provide their clients with a comprehensive session where they are given the room to address difficult conversations, establish boundaries, & explore desires.
